Looking back & ahead

After all the gift guides. After the shopping in snowstorms and shopping with sick children. After the stress and the worry and the croup, we are a day away from hosting my hubby’s entire clan- 14 adults and 7 (!!!!!) little people and two days away from celebrating with my family and friends at my parent’s down the street. And you know what, it’s all good. I’m ready. I’ve got a plan. It will be chaos but I have a plan and it will be what it will be. There will be lots of food, hopefully for the love  of all that is holy, there will be lots of wine, the kids will have a blast and they’ll fight and they’ll cry, but they’ll love it all. And ultimately, it is ALL about them.

Mad Christmas Cookie Baker & Sad Christmas Tree

The last week, scratch that, the last couple of months, have been very difficult. We lost two wonderful people this year, practically back to back, my beautiful Grandmother and my hubby’s most important person, his Grandfather. Two incredible people that impacted our lives in too many ways to count. Another two of my favourite people in the whole world got sick and are fighting to heal. My thoughts are with them every day and I will try to write, call, visit as much as I can in 2014.

Professionally there were many many highlights. I designed two commercial spaces that opened this year to great reviews, a butcher shop and a clothing store. I started this website ostensibly as a portfolio but increasingly for this blog. And in my very very very late thirties, I discovered that I love to write (who knew?) I started reworking with two old clients. I gained a bunch of new ones. And though I got let go from a contract only three days ago (so icky), the professional highs far outweighed the lows.

Socially, I have gotten closer to my old friends, something I never really thought possible because we were always close. But they are my family. My rocks. And they have become a wide net of love for my children. My kids have a lot of family here but these friends, that I have had since first year of University, love my kids and me and my hubby just as much. Roro, CC, Erica, Chado, Marco and D, I love you guys so much it is crazy. And newer friends, people I met through my kids, that have become my people. We see each other almost every day, we help each other through every crisis. We eat and drink and cry and laugh. We enjoy each other’s children and enjoy each other even when the kids aren’t around. Sometimes more when the kid’s aren’t around. J you are the bestest of the best and I love you so.

And now at the end of one year and looking forward to the next, I want to be more mindful and more calm and more aware.

My love and I get closer all the time. Our children not only bind us but make us happier and stronger and more in love every day. We are getting married in a ceremony in Sicily this coming June and almost all of my favourite people in the world will be there. In moments of stress, I think of how magical it could be and I feel better instantly. And it really is pretty fun to think about.

 This is where it will all go down! So exciting.

I want to keep my parents close. As close as they’ll let me (they have a much more active social life than I do) because they are hands down the best people I’ve ever known. They have shown us so much love and support that sometimes it takes my breath away. They love my guy like he was born to them, and my children are the lights of their life. I feel blessed we could give them these amazing little people to love. They marvel at them almost as much as we do.

I want to be healthy and active so that my children learn about being healthy and active. I had a rough year of back pains and baby weight that just wouldn’t quit. But I started to be more proactive. I started drinking veggie and fruit smoothies in the morning, going to see an amazing acupuncturist and working out (a tiny bit). In 2014 I will attempt to do more.

I want to learn to enjoy every minute or at least to stop and acknowledge how lucky we are and to go along with that sentiment, I want to make photo albums for our kids. I’m sad about clicking away and dumping it all on the computer and not having hard copies of all of these milestones and memories. As a child, I loved looking at baby pictures of myself and I want my children to experience that. I want us to not just run away on weekend getaways with the kids- we had some amazing trips in 2013, but I want us to try to do more fun stuff here, in the city. I want my kids to become the die hard Montrealers that I am. All while still opening them up to the world outside their city.

Professionally, I want to keep growing and learning and being excited about my job. But I still want to pick my kids up from daycare every day before 5:00 and not do any work in the evening until after they are asleep. This is a struggle as I need to work more, financially speaking, but I also want to be there for everything they need. This struggle/juggling act will continue into 2014 and every year after that. Such is the life of the freelance mama.

But most of all, I want my children to be healthy. To strive. To be curious. To be silly. To keep loving each other, and boy do they ever love each other. I’m not sure what we did to make them so bonded, but this is something that gives us great joy. Their little faces light up every morning when they lay eyes on each other and it is my fervent wish that they carry this with them throughout their whole lives.

I want my kids to hold on to the wonder that the Holidays can bring for as many years as possible. I need to remind myself that, in my effort to make it all great for them, I need to enjoy some of it too. They learn by example. They are sponges. There is nothing like driving around town with my son and hearing his bursts of road rage to make me realize how much of a sponge kids are! It’s a little worrisome…

Happy Holidays and thank you so much to the many of you that have been on this journey with me these past few months. For the notes, words of encouragement, and comments, thank you. And to the people I’ve run into that have said they enjoy reading this little thing, thank you. I wish you a happy and healthy and joyful New Year.

xa